I find it marvolous how when I sit down to my journal and pour my heart out to God, He always has a clear responce. Today, I was wrighting. Pouring my heartaches out to Him. Longing for a healthy, stronger, relationship, not only between my children and their grandparents but also between me and my parents. Something that I have longed for, wished for, and even prayed for, for many years now. I was in mid sentence when I feel God not in so many words but basicly saying, "Be careful what you wish for!"
Just maybe the vary relationship that I have dreamed of could cause me to stumble. Or worse yet my children. You see the relationship that I seek is one that does not agree on who God is. Both parties are Christians but the other has very different views of God. Maybe that relationship is not something that God sees as a way to prosper me or my children. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents with all of my heart. I know that they love me and my children the same. But the relationship is weak. I only seek to make it stronger. Maybe it is fine the way it is. Maybe God has it right where HE wants it to be. I truly believe Jeremiah 29:11. God has a plan for us! He has a plan to make us better. To form us into the person that He made us to be. A plan not to harm us but prosper us.
With my history in relationships, (haha) I know that I tend to place people in my heart where they do not belong. In the place where only God should be. This said, this relationship might prohibbit me from growing spiritualy. Not because of anything that my parents would do but because of my own self.
On a side note, The times that I have tried to grow a stronger realtionship with my parents, I have always ended up fighting with them, feeling angry, and or pressured. I don't think it of any reason or fault of either of us, but both parties. Our life styles are very different. I love to have my space. I like to have my life seperate in so many ways. And our lack of relationship is probably due to our own selfish attitudes. One that will require a huge change on both parts.
So, in a nut shell. My lack of relationship could be what God has planned. Or could be because of our attitudes. Either way I realize that I must be careful what I wish for! I want nothing more than for God's will in my life to prevail, and IF that does mean a lack of relationship with my parents, then so be it.
I will always love and cherrish my parents. It breaks my heart that my children don't know them as I do. But I will always make sure that my boys know just how special and loving my parents truly are. I pray that some day, God willing, that they will experence it for them selves.
Father, I pray your will over this situation in my life. I pray that you will open my eyes and heart to see Your plan for us. I pray for peace and contentment in Your will. Help me to love as You love.
Amen.
with God's Love,
Christian
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