It's Me, I Need To Change!

I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I pour out my complaint before Him; before Him I tell my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is You who know my way.
Psalm 142:1-3


As Christians we are not perfect, we still have troubles. We still sin. For me, one of my biggest struggles is prayer. I rarely pray for myself unless it is something I am deeply troubled over. I hardly ever think to pray and consult God before I run to someone else for advise. Sadly but very true, my prayer life is almost non-existent.


Another area that I struggle with is making good wholesome friendships. My best friend is my husband of 15 years, as I believe it should be. But as a woman I still long for a really good, strong friendship with another woman. Someone who puts her time into me just as I do her. Someone who loves me for me and doesn't make me feel insignificant. Someone who needs me to be her friend just as much as I need her. Friendships like this are so very rare. You are very blessed if you have one.


So, I read these three verses and I ask myself and yes; God, WHY?
Why don't I pray to God the first thing every morning? Why don't I pray to Him when times are fun and not just tough? Why can't I pray for myself and not just for everyone else? Why don't I ask His advise before I ask anyone else? Why do I struggle so hard with prayer?


I think it's because...
I don't take the time to be in His word daily.
I don't spend time with Him regularly except on Sunday's in church.
I don't make Him a priority in my life.


In a nut shell, it's exactly like the strong relationship with a friend  that I long for. Only this time it's me who doesn't give my heart to the relationship. It's me who doesn't have the time or is unwilling to make the time. It's me who expects but never gives. It's me who refuses to see that the road runs both ways. Jesus is giving me His all. He gave His life for mine. He loves me despite of my selfishness. And yet I refuse to echo the friendship and love that He so freely has given me. I treat Jesus like so many "friends" have treated me. I am exactly the friend that I try to avoid when looking for a strong friendship.


While praying and asking God to provide me with a strong Christian woman that I can build a life lasting friendship with, God reminds me that until I make Him the priority and focus on building that same kind of relationship with Him, I will not have that kind of relationship with a friend.


So the answer to all my whys is...


It's Me, I need to change!


Father,
Thank you so very much for opening our eyes to the importance of relationships. You created us to need friendships and love. Open our hearts to see that foremost we need to build a strong, life lasting, friendship with You. You have given us far more than we will ever deserve and yet as long as there is sin in this world, we will always struggle daily to make You our priority in life. I ask Lord, that You will give us the strength to pick up our crosses daily and follow You.
In Jesus name I pray,
Amen